After a late finish the prior night, I was up at 11am, ready to head back South. It was to go to another Meetup Event, this time by Matt Kendall of Interesting Talks.
The subject of the course was Conversation Skills. Now, those people who know me would tell you I have no difficulty with conversation, I talk. All. The. Time. And that’s the issue, I’m on broadcast mostly, and I don’t listen to people nearly enough. I also feel quite awkward asking questions, for fear of embarrassment
The course was split into 5 Parts:
- The Basics
- Conversation Structure
- Eliciting Emotional States
- Timeline Theory
- Tips & Extras
After the first four sections there was a role play exercise with the other attendees.
Part 1 – The Basics
This part covered off the first principles of conversation, to think about who you’re communicating with, how you come across, and most importantly your level of rapport.
The level of rapport is your ‘level’ in the conversation. If you’re dominant in the conversation, then you’re going to lead, if you’re equal then you’ll connect with someone, and if you’re submissive then you’ll collect information. This part was very interesting to me and the exercise after where we practised being dominant, equal and submissive in conversation was fascinating, and it was impressive the different response I got from the other person when in these three stances.
Body language was also demonstrated to be very important. Leaning in is a dominant position, whereas leaning out is more submissive and brings the person towards you. trying this in the role play really worked and changed the dynamic.
Part 2 – Conversation Structure
This part of this section I found most useful was the importance of preparation. If you’re talking to someone important do your prep. Know what your desired conversational outcome is and work to that. Also, if you can learn about the person you’re going to be conversing with as much as possible so you have interesting conversation to share.
You can also help people decision make by understanding their decision strategy. The example given was choosing a restauranrt. By understanding what makes a good restaurant to the other person, you can help them make the right decision for them and you. It’s also important to understand more than surface comments. If someone says they like the restaurant to be ‘good value’, to one person that may be a McDonald’s Value meal, to another it could be ordering off a set menu from a Michelin Starred restaurant rather than going a la carte.
Part 3 – Eliciting Emotional States
This part is very difficult to put into words, but Matt conveyed it really well. It was about making your conversation partner feel the emotions that you’re talking about. Part of it was about bringing your words to life, which is something I can do pretty well. The other part, about eliciting emotion from others was very new. Normally I’m worried about asking too many questions, as I don’t like to feel that I’m grilling someone or putting them on the spot. However, it was demonstrated that if you choose your questions carefully and listen to what’s said and respond to that, the conversation flows naturally and it doesn’t feel awkward.
Part 4 – Timeline theory
This was all entirely new to me. The idea here is to make yourself indespensible, by being the person who can get them best to tehir next experience. You start by discussing a recent experience, then go back to their first experience, then to their favourite experience. After that you show that your offer will get them to their next great experience.
Part 5 – Tips & Extras
This was very simple – PLAN PLAN PLAN! This is typically something I do very badly, but this course showed me just how important it was.
Social Media was discussed. Expect people to do their own research on you before they talk to you. Make sure your social media and internet profile is up to scratch before you put yourself out there.
Summary
This is, needless to say, only the very surface of what we covered off over the course of the afternoon. The devil, as always is in the detail and the little things that hang all of this together. Matt is a very engaging and entertaining speaker, who managed to get his message across with style and succinctness. I took a lot out of this course, and look forward to putting it into practise.
Matt’s Meetup group can be found here – if you go to one of his talks, keep an eye out for me, Chances are I’ll be there!